Very Sexy Sex - (revised 21/ 06/ 2014)

.

was late to work today
because I kept masturbating
after the alarm went off
figured if I was cursed
with waking up early
I should at least
get an orgasm out of it

at thirty four years old
by now can give myself
some amazing orgasms

to the point it can often sour
if not ruin
my sexual relationships
with others

one of my last partners said porn
and over-developed forearm muscles
ruined me, for her

in her efforts to get me off
she would make these awful faces
intense with concentration
ironically
that was very off putting
I didn't have the heart to tell her
besides she had huge breasts

thing is
I think about that sometimes
when I jerk off, now
even though at the time
probably I was thinking about something else
further back, when building up to cum
trying to concentrate on climaxing

that seems to be how it goes
despite my attentiveness
in pleasuring a given partner
learning to read new lovers’ breaths
feel and respond to stimulus
sometimes in the middle of sex
other things
get me excited

I remember
the jagged in-ear whisper
from this girl I slept with
declaring how great my cock is
I’d never heard anything like that
before

I came instantly

I remember
first time I played rough
holding a woman’s wrists behind her back
against some dirty tin fence in Auckland
how her knees melted into me
then

I remember
looking out a tiny window in Kathmandu
a lover going down on me
thinking hey- here I am
looking out a tiny window in Kathmandu
while she’s going down on me... cool

then I lifted her up
bent her over that tiny room's bed
did her from behind
so she could see the view too

all these moments
themselves be-came memory
ejaculated deposits in the spank bank
saving of accounts
re-living touching myself

little things from years back
like that pair of gaudy ear rings
left behind where they’d been dropped
next to the ripped Ansell packet

a sharp gasp made
when I pressed a thumb
into hips while I was on top
while I was inside her

or fucking my first girlfriend
holding her head forward
to make her watch it
go up and down

this is where I've been
when I cum
all that sex
sexy fucking sex
stuck in my mind
elsewhere-

thing is
I don't think sex is sexy anymore
that window was sexy
Auckland was sexy...
(god can't believe I just said that)
times in your life are sexy
after the fact

whilst fixating on the how
and the why and the whom
you cum-with
or don't-with ...not sexy

I'm a voyeur of my own life
perving on my own past
my brain continues to operate
by projecting forward
or reflecting back
memorising what it will later consider a turn on

someone getting themselves off
isn't a typically romantic or beautiful image
but the idea, I think
is sexy
whatever that means

late for work is sexy
the fact that you can make yourself
feel good, by yourself is good
it is worth running late for

almost told my boss that
as an excuse
who knows
she might have got off herself
on picturing me frantically
fighting those five minute snatches
between the snooze button
fucking myself
from memory

masturbation often seen
as a poor substitute for a partner
is actually more important
it all happens inside
time spent penetrating your own mind
your memories, thoughts
of all things yours, is sexy

all there in your head
sexy as you can make it
and you can make it
if you just remember that
you will


enjoy... yourself








___________________________

-Peace.

.