My first career-job was in the child protection system, at the age of 26. I had no idea/conception of the awful things some mothers are capable of doing to their offspring, and these are insights I cannot really ever share (either on broadcast here, or even privately among those who know me).
I've seen the biology just gone so broken that I can never quite honestly join in, in raising a toast to motherhood as a broad thing. From some walks of life you just don't get to go home again. Believe me when I say, that I am sorry to say so.
Today, I see virtually everyone on my news feed expressing love for their mother, and fuck-me-dead, I don't want to be all captain bring down about something as ...good as that.
But (oh y'knew a but was coming folks) for myself I just can't make myself join the party. My love for my mother feels like too much of a private thing for me to pervade publicly. It's full of superlatives like "most dearest" and "best, kindest". Etcetera. Superlatives, to me, occupy the same brain-space that expletive language seems to hold for other more prudish people. Something vulgar and offensively un-expressive. So, because of my own hang ups, I just can't take you there with my mother and I.
All that matters is that I let her know how much I care. When I see her, I will try.
I spent this morning with the woman I love, her relationship with her mother exists at the other end of the spectrum to mine. I needed to remind her how special she is, days like today make people in her position feel... bad.
I can't fix those kids I worked with. I can't make myself talk about my mum with mediums I don't trust, and I can't undo what was done to my girlfriend. All I can do is dwell upon these things, float words, chew fat, see what sticks to the wall. It will help me be better towards the people I care about.
I believe they deserve it. I believe caring about others is ultimately how a human looks after itself. Motherhood functions with that, when it functions.
Today, I am trying to be functional too. My best wishes to us all.