Thursday, August 11, 2011

Something of Value -12/08/2011


If you are going to be lonely

find the biggest sky you can
as far from home as possible
to do it under

lift the weight off old skylines
finding new light looking up
lose old aching gravity
overarching starful
as the pinpricks wink
across this impossible distance

where couches can’t contain you
let that distance stretch you
so much further
than spread eagle across beds
throw yourself into it
scatter life down highways
like a string of wreckage
let the hurt
spur you on
to line your paved face
with a road map's direction

and own your alone

If lonely hunts you
amongst people
in places already known
then run, sucker, run
hide inside pockets of velocity
an envelope of trajectory
blanketed in anonymity
jump burnt bridges
across the still waters
too deep for shallow swimmers
to follow
and insist
that loneliness
work for its prey

if you are going to be lonely
be strange
stubborn as leg cramps
let your skin
carpet your flaws
be so funny
that your punchlines
...can leave black eyes
be so far gone
that your trail
itself becomes a tale
bread-crumbed to become
the stuff nourishing legends

Get your years stuck in mud
get them buckled and blistered
warped from water-log
snow stained with sand grains
stuck in them
'til you stink
of a long-story's old nostalgia

if all your photos are taken arms length
then reach further
than you ever believed you could
and picture yourself


and in reaching around
to sunscreen your own back
develop another flexibility
plans remain in your hands
no splitting this difference
where decisions comes from within
that same sunscreen grease
will suddenly smell like freedom
and release

if conversation starved
then find your own minds
inner dialogue

and talk yourself up a storm

if you are going to be lonely
at all
do it all
out there
walk into every situation
like the wall behind you is following
where not a single friendly-fire
word-exchange can steal your flame
let lack of explanation torch glow
you, so far from a home

pursue and imbue
your life's light
with something of value
find these gains hidden in the pain
a suffering brilliance
and the shine of that light
shall more than sustain you

on nights that need no account
lose count and let go

then let go of letting go

and hold on

feeling the silence
of nights alone
congeal around you
so thick and hard
you can actually grab hold of it
climb the silence
and use it as a boost-up
to get over those walls

under the biggest sky you can find
look out on horizon lines
curving-back too far in either direction
for straight and lame
to ever catch you

and even if standing all alone
up on that silent line
it remains

such a magnificent view


This piece has been a long time in the making, at least since April, and has been rewritten and worked over, torn up and made to sit in the corner many times. So much so that I'm actually quite pensive about releasing it out into the wild, most poems with a gestation period of more than a few weeks rarely make the light of day ~ things get turgid there in my draft folder pretty quickly. In this case the statement was too much of myself and my life to not fulfill it.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and as always any feedback is greatly appreciated. Cheers