Thursday, August 11, 2011

Knuckle Loved -11/08/2011


I have bled into pages
for strangers

scared the shit out of them
had to hand it back
in a stinking-stupid
balancing act

I've had to apologise
to the emotionally comatose
living on life-support
and a bland diet

of early nights

swallowed conquered words
world-view smiled back belief
and fulcrumed my foolhardy
into muscle
and more muscle

done push-ups on the sun up
sweated the lead out
cracked ribs while laughing
and made midnight wince
at seeing me again

I fucked the holes in my story

eaten her out with knuckle loved hunger
glared obnoxious at every
curved part that bodily
separated us from our true stories

I've wanted her so bad
that it was... bad
punched that pain into myself
then tried using the bruise
to feel like maybe somehow
we'd connected

died of embarrassment
just to see if suicide is painless
or just another of life's creative processes
believed in no pain no gain
no matter how often
I was subsequently short-changed

I have paid my dues into black
then demanded some bloody payback
and when it was my shout
took my voice in stereo to eleven
screaming god-fucken-dammit
right up into heaven

read every religious book
back to itself
like a lullaby

I have believed
that I shed myself
of every belief

had spirited arguments
with alcoholic ghosts
got gas in the think tank
a broken light bulb for brains
and beaten my head
against every wall I could find
out there to blame

and girl,
I made it hard on myself
kept it up to die trying
I've tolled the bell
taken the cake
told it straight
screwed the pooch
in a glass house
snapped judgement
rocked the boat
given a toss
and slept it off
fucked it up
blew my chance
cut the crap
shit where I've eaten
to then eat shit
but I have never
done anything

that could stop me thinking

about you




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