If you are easily offended or have a problem with foul language,
Then don’t come to my show.
If you think poetry remains the purview of crusty self-important intellectuals and school teachers,
Or if you always got along with your parents when you were growing up then,
Don’t come to my show …and you’re creepy.
If you think political correctness equates to a legitimate interest in social justice,
then you disgust me so,
Don’t come to my show!
Wether gay, straight, bi-sexual, male or female ~ if you don’t think breasts are awesome,
Then don’t come to my show, (because if not entirely dysfunctional you at least have unforgivably poor taste)
If you are some sort of Astronaut, or has a job relating to space travel …hey, that’s really cool!
If you don’t want to be cheered up,
You-clammy-handed-snivelling-tight-black-jeans-wearing-hipster-why-don’t-you-and-your-lame-friends-go-outside-and-get-some-exercise-and-a-little-vitamin-D-once-in-a-while-and-no-just-pedalling-five-minutes-down-Swanston-street-on-your-fixy-to-get-to-uni-does-not-count-for-fucks-sake, then stay home and listen to your velvet underground or whatever it is the God-Hell-Shit it is you dorks listen to,
and do not come to my show.
If your prefer a limp-wrist to a ham-fist,
Then (sigh) don’t come to, like…this totally lame show, pfft.
If you can remember what Ewoks are… come to my show!
If we can agree that men are brain dead knuckle draggers, but you’ve come to terms with that. Then come to my show, too.
If you hate so-called reality television, then turn that fucking thing OFF,
And come on down to my show!
If you still have no solid idea on what life is about,
And you’re aware that we’re really running out of time to work it all out before it’s too late,
Then come to my show and we’ll compare notes, tell you what I got so far.
If you like my new stuff better than my old stuff,
Come to my show,
If you don’t mind the odd list poem filled with a lot of negations and a subliminal disposition,
Then (come to my show).
And if you love poetry, then by all means, come to my show.
If you HATE POETRY,
Or you’re unaware of it,
Or think its dreary,
boring, tired, irrelevant and way up its own arse,
You are wonderful and precious to me and definitely, please,
COME TO MY SHOW!
And if you forgotten the details:
8pm this coming Monday the 22nd June,
at the Brunswick Hotel, 120 Sydney road (corner Wesson street),
…so you can come to my show.