Stupid Fucking Ducks -12/03/2014

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watching a young couple
taking wedding photos
eating my lunch
with ducks in Carlton Gardens
it's sunny but not warm
perfect day for photos

he's skinny
barely fills the cut of his suit
she's quite fat
her dress was ambitious
for how unflattering
it's ended up being

they look young
they look too young
but minus out
fussing over light and shade
under that giant oak tree
they look happy
like they got what they want
and their families want.

I don't understand why people want
the things that they do,
why they believe I should also
and this makes me afraid of them
afraid of you

last night late
I looked at my facebook news feed
three friends in a row all traveling
my stomach started to hurt bad
pulse jumped I started sweating
couldn't sleep
couldn't read
or do push-ups enough
to knock myself out
you could call it panic

or call it FOMO
or jealousy
or... like whatever

I have a very vague grasp
of what I want in life
therefore a pretty loose chance
of ever getting it

never mind I'm right now
working away, saving and planning
for a cross continent cycling trip
which will be the biggest adventure
of my life
sleepless, all I wanted last night
was to be someone else

I will feel stuck
til I get gone travelling
again out there

and by the time I write this
the couple have moved on
I'm still here
with the ducks and pigeons

funny
they'll eat the egg crumbs
out of my focaccia
but not the tomato

I guess
everybody wants
what they want
and a little
of what others have too


at least
they think they do




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-Peace






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