Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sky’s The Limit -26/03/2014


every so often
a light will flash
breaking yellow over grey
hot air balloons
hovering the skyline
each bursting a flame
to keep themselves
up there

every so often
our conversation will spark
into a one word answer
when I ask him
how my sisters are
then will sink back down
under the dashboard

this is our thing
you have to get Dad mad
about something
to get him talking
about anything

don't feel like doing that
this early in the morning
as I drive him to the airport
colour me overcast

oup! - there's another one flash

must be one hell of a view
from up there
...yeah I've been in a hot air balloon
one of a myriad of chitchat things
I’d say to virtually anyone else
I was one-on-one in a car with

think it don’t say it
no longer trying to spark up
a conversation
for the grunts I’ll get back

sometimes I forget this happened
the hot air ballooning, I mean
I was in Cappadocia, Turkey
on my way to Nemrut Dağı

there was a time in my life
I could only talk to others
about all the impressive things I've done
cycling through Spain
on a Catholic pilgrimage
or seeing the sunrise behind
then right over mount Everest
and trekking to Annapurna base camp
by myself

or how I beat hepatitis C
and liver cirrhosis
six months pegulated-
-ribavirin and interferon
and how I survive
with severe haemophilia

how me and my mates
have escaped police chases
gotten away with all sort of stories
we tasted the back of the wind
and I would like
to tell my dad
what it was like

my father does not know
what these things are like
and for all the voice I have now
there just isn't enough muscle in my words
to get it across the other side
of that driver’s seat

another flash

I no longer need
to try impressing people
is the hallmark
of having done some impressive things
tell that to yourself

like I tell myself
I know this isn't his fault
the envy and distrust
that characterises us

want to blame generations
and wars
and elections
and politics
and talk back radio
and role models
and you just figure...

once you've gotten up
in front of hundreds of people
at a time
making them laugh in your own words
once you've been to other countries
giving workshops on making poetry
to street kids via interpreter
once these things, you just figure
you could carry a fucking conversation

or be cool
(not talking)

I once did a course of meditation
where I was forbade
to speak to anyone for ten days
it wasn't that hard
you might not believe
pushed my sexual boundaries out
with another man in Madrid
I rather enjoyed it
but yeah
that was a bit harder

we don't have to go there
only to say there's a few places
you haven't
know some things you do not
talking points

for us to have something to say
I know there are others
that you know about
~an abseil
down a hundred-ten metre funnel
or the rope-free-climb
up the rock walls at Olympus
the time I scrambled up a cliff face
above a Borneo jungle
or jumped out a plane
above the Southern Alps

talking points for the shortage
of fairly difficult things I've done
but every one of them helped
redefine how far I can push myself
each one done
became a precedent
for something else
I might have once thought impossible

yet this unlifted limitation
unable to talk-Turkey
with my Dad
bears down on me now
with a bit tongue
so hard

so we
drive this silent fixation
through the minuscule burst
of light
above us

right now
sitting across
from him
it's the only thing

I feel capable of




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