(draft for performance 04.02.2010)
.
Didn’t mean for it to happen,
today
so it sounded as uncertain as the weather looked
it just came out
I said,
“I love you
... I think”
Clouds were already moving in,
I wasn’t sure if the word Love was what this is
we were standing on the sunset,
a rooftop of an abandoned building
surrounded by space and sky above the city high rise
I think…
why did I say I think,
I love you
think it was because
my only romance to this day’s been living a losing battle
I’ve heard that phrase I love you
said countless times on television before
but this is real
and nothing in my back catalogue matches
our new emotional vocabulary.
Feels like the furniture in my head has been rearranged.
Now it feels like my war-against-the-world has waned
with the warmth of the womb
feels like this atheist finally found something worth worshiping
when I look into your eyes
feels like I want to make myself better
for you
feels like someone I care about besides myself
and I’m beside myself, when I wake up next to you
and when waking up with you,
it feels like I’m still dreaming
this feels like we are on the roof thirty-two stories up and feeling
so much higher
and I am falling falling have fallen for you
this feels never let me go
this feels like I can’t remember life was like without you
feels like I couldn’t face myself again without you
feels like you have the keys to my engine
that you have got my machinery all
...turned on
feel likes I finally understand what my hands are for
fingertips my mouth
my hips (hhmmm) humming
my lips singing for you
“Out of the tree of life I just picked me a plumb,
You came along and everything started to hum,
Still it’s a real good bet the best is yet to come
The best is yet to come and baby won't that be fine” *
Feels like, Frank’s song's my song, your song, our song
singing heartbeats in our hands holding a new me together my shaking scared tears swelling up in the time of my life
-now-
in a coming rainstorm I feel my wet heart,
felt air pressure there from the inside condense into clouds
dark grey doubts, want to reign,
that fell heavy into that phrase
“I love you” with “...I think”
But I am not thinking anymore!
I’m standing here on my very being
I’m not asking, talking, looking or seeing
just waiting for you to reply in kind,
as kind to me as the world could ever be.
Please.
I’m hoping, maybe, at least
I’ll know peace
now that I have said my piece.
Then I finally notice.
outside this embrace
that he sun has disappeared behind clouds that are growing darker and darker,
and I’m thinking it’s going to rain
No!
I don’t think
I know!
I know that this is love and I know that I love you.
We’re standing now together so close
I can’t see your face
I know I’ve seen love in your eyes too.
But you are so quiet now
so I blurt out~
“it’s going to rain… I think”
kicking words back into the hole
left from your lack of reply.
The rainfall feeling heavier each moment
you looked up at the sky
“Yeah, me too” came your reply.
Braking the embrace
I said something about getting back under cover
tugged at your hand
but you held to that spot without budging
“No,” you said
“I meant ‘me too’
... about the first thing you said”
As the rain came
we stayed
out in the open
in that spot
for a long time.
_______________________________________
I'm going to blog a few of the pieces that I used at the most recent feature, which was used as a trial run for (the first part of) a full blown narrative performance called Plan be. I did the first 7 poems and I think it went pretty well, but some parts definitely needed work. The above I'm basically happy with (though as always your comments are welcome and encouraged), and also happened to be the first part of the first sequence. Enjoy.
Needless to say I'll keep you posted when and where the Plan comes to fruition.
-Peace
.
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