Sunday, April 26, 2015

Days are numbered - 27/04/2015


a panic I get
it comes on
while trying to do
the last five push ups

a voice telling me
it's all useless
I can't do it
tells me to stop
makes me feel small

ribbing me
about how much l shake
or my chest hurts
how wonky my elbows are

hard to beat, sometimes
I do, sometimes
I'll just not do the last five
or even ten less
to avoid it altogether

very particular type of panic
that makes it scary
to go down onto the rug
but makes it all the more
when you plant
a foot flat
stand back up

beat that voice
drowned it out
pushed it down

lately I haven't been
able to leave that feeling
that voice
behind on the rug

there are days happening
that feel like my whole life
is going to drop a knee
and come off ten short

not good enough
not strong enough
not enough-enough

fear and doubt
and all the weight of yourself
on shaky elbows
and slumped guts

almost there
adding up in tens
almost there
in breaths of two
almost there
shut the fuck you I'm
almost there

I am almost
counting down five
four three





No comments: