(WARNING: EROTIC CONTENT)
.
things were simpler before I knew
that you have had rape fantasies too
simpler before I knew
you often don’t want
to be asked what you want
you like
when I do
without asking
I like that too
just don’t like admitting
that I like...
your wrists grabbed
behind your back
a hand on your throat
a fistful of your hair
the back of the head
you give me as I thrust
into your mouth
before we both of us dropped
the pretence of caring
about your period
the pretence of caring
about the messes we make
making it messier
rougher
simpler
before I knew
pulling on your hair
or growling down your ear
or telling you
when you can come
turns you on as much
as calling me Daddy does
things were simpler before
seeing your sly smile
at your torn top
discarded as I ripped it off
moaning you not wanting me to
stop
do not want this
to be normal
please tell me
this is not normal
tell you I’m scared
of being not normal
scared of being judged
of being asked
to tell you what
I like
to hide what I really like
on my hard drive
where I can believe
I’m the only freak
a product of free porn
frustrated half-formed thought
fucked up and perverted and dirty
hearing you say please hurt me
there are not-nice words
you can call a woman
I was surprised to find
you liked being called
every single one of them
during the night
you wouldn't ask for-
I shouldn't think of-
we couldn't try it
inside the straight lines
of safe assumptions
we're out of bounds now
there are no straight lines
anywhere on the human body
and I suspect
fewer still in our minds
things were simpler
before we started talking about it
before I knew
what you are willing and able
to do
with balls gags, sex toys
rope and harnesses
and things were
a lot simpler
then
but not quite as much fun
.
things were simpler before I knew
that you have had rape fantasies too
simpler before I knew
you often don’t want
to be asked what you want
you like
when I do
without asking
I like that too
just don’t like admitting
that I like...
your wrists grabbed
behind your back
a hand on your throat
a fistful of your hair
the back of the head
you give me as I thrust
into your mouth
before we both of us dropped
the pretence of caring
about your period
the pretence of caring
about the messes we make
making it messier
rougher
simpler
before I knew
pulling on your hair
or growling down your ear
or telling you
when you can come
turns you on as much
as calling me Daddy does
things were simpler before
seeing your sly smile
at your torn top
discarded as I ripped it off
moaning you not wanting me to
stop
do not want this
to be normal
please tell me
this is not normal
tell you I’m scared
of being not normal
scared of being judged
of being asked
to tell you what
I like
to hide what I really like
on my hard drive
where I can believe
I’m the only freak
a product of free porn
frustrated half-formed thought
fucked up and perverted and dirty
hearing you say please hurt me
there are not-nice words
you can call a woman
I was surprised to find
you liked being called
every single one of them
during the night
you wouldn't ask for-
I shouldn't think of-
we couldn't try it
inside the straight lines
of safe assumptions
we're out of bounds now
there are no straight lines
anywhere on the human body
and I suspect
fewer still in our minds
things were simpler
before we started talking about it
before I knew
what you are willing and able
to do
with balls gags, sex toys
rope and harnesses
and things were
a lot simpler
then
but not quite as much fun
___________________________________
So here this is. This poem was originally drafted January 2012 to be included in FUCK THESE GUYS, the much-delayed erotic chapbook series/collection/thing Steve Smart and I have put together. I've drafted this somewhat and read it last night at an erotic fiction gathering with my Little Raven publishing friends, to a very favorable response.
Given some of the controversy I've drawn at gigs and online this year, over some pretty minor stuff, I've been really pensive about releasing this material, but by the same token I'm also feeling a little more ready to handle criticism (both constructive and hostile). So for this reason, I've decided to press ahead with Fuck These Guys, soon as I have the Product album launch out of the way.
 |
| (one of the images I've collected for the FUCK THESE GUYS book) |
Things are not where they were a year ago for me. I'm finding my voice, and finding an audience for that to. Haters gonna hate. More on that later...
-Peace
.
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