Thursday, July 26, 2012

Currently -28/07/2012 (redux)

I can't give you any reason that holds water
for the time it took
getting back to you

didn't want to come back shallow
leaking out lies
to get myself in this any deeper

I diverted the days
flowed them into weeks
they poured out months
now awkward unspoken volumes
sit vast and tepid between us
none of my excuses waterproof

things is I was gonna get back to you
still floating the idea
you'd been the one to go-to
with drowned out hands

reaching for you to flush me out
sunken in self pity
to tell it all-good again
save me from this flood

soggy now wearing out frowns
wet stain they call my face
the arms drip off of me
I'm all puddles by the footprint
cold through to my toes
and right out my eyes

look there
if y'wanna believe
how much tide I swam at
all I waded through
to keep fighting against


'cause it might look to everyone
I've been same-spot treading water
but rivers below know
I've been thrashing mad at it
been kicking undertoe
wrestling invisible waves
just to not
get swept away

I said in another poem
"I can tread water like there is even a grace to it"
I can't

I ate fuck
swallowed salt water by the lung
holding out against a swim upstream
that turned torrent
wanting to take a life

just not drowning
is as close to flying
as I get
right now

I was gonna get back to you
sooner than later
wanted to swim this

stronger than another sad story
before that fucking flood

washed me away, excuses and all


(ed: 28th July 2012)
So this is me, crawling back to the blog I've so long neglected, trying to get my groove back. This piece came out of nowhere, I just opened up the browser and started typing.  I was very much influenced by the closing line of Buddy Wakefield's Horsehead poem (about a flood) and I just ran with that for a while.

I don't think it's quite there yet, will keep hacking away at this til I'm happy. Thanks for reading.



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