Thursday, June 17, 2010

"What Happens on Tour..." -17/06/2010


I made it Perth.

"an angry vibe spitting straight talking lines of urban existence" ...sounds awesome. I really am a hard sell I guess, I still don't know how to describe my stuff.

The readings Steve and I had in Adelaide went well, excepting the discovery this morning that my (fucking) recorder quietly ran out of batteries last night, hence there's no record of Steve's set, which is a shame because I can honestly say I've never seen him better, following up on what I felt was a very good set of my own. We are strangely supportive in a competitive way and competitive in a supportive kind of way, and it all seems to be working. I'm really feeling good about being out here, a city I've never been before, with a friend (Janet Jackson) helping us and doing a great job of promoting our art form.

Of course, this all reads like a set up for a big fail, of course I have to say that, it's scary. I'm scared because I'm at the edge of everything I've ever been, and I've been here, un sheltered and constantly pushing that edge away further and further and catching up to it, for what feels like a long time now.
I'm free, whether I believe it or not, I'm living the life I want whether I embrace it or not.

Smarty wrote: "what happens on tour, stays on tour... but I'm always on tour" and I feel like I'm at the point I just have to accept this crazy responsibility-less lifestyle as the real thing, my thing. No one gave me permission, or approval, no one knows where all this leads or what exactly it is I'm trying to build it into, no start no end, just words and roads and friends.
It felt like I needed some time out here to reflect, yet I don't quite know how to articulate this moment, I don't even know that I should share anything so personal, for lack of coherence or entertainment value. But the poetry is still about that -stumbling blindly towards a pure self expression.

I'm long past the point of apologising for it, and I have surrounded myself with friends who don't ask me to, and left behind the people who tried to judge or hold one back.

My life is everything that is everything, that means anything to me.

People mean everything to me, and my words are all I have left to connect me to other human beings, so that means my readers means everything to me, that means you mean everything to me. For you, I'm just about a few more words as the bar across the screen in this net cafe counts up the money I don't have to waste, to tell you what you already know dan-fucken-well, then I have to get back out there.

You must embrace whatever fears and hopes you have and go fuck some shit up. Now. It's the only life you have, the only time you have it for is this moment, you, whoever you are, have earned the right to use it, and are obligated to spend it, you know.




No comments: