Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Steve Smart Entered a Steve Smart Lookalike Contest. And Came Third -15/06/2010


...he's still bitter about that too.

Dispatch from the front lines:

One gig down.
Two items of clothing lost.
Three false alarms.
Seven individual alarm/snooze cycles ignored.
Seventeen South Australian bus ticket pricing discrepancies noticed.
Six bottles of red wine consumed.
Two of above bottles actually paid for.

Eight friends in SA caught up with.
One good nights sleep blown debating merits of Will Smiths career.
One follow up conversations had next morning, wherein both parties realised they actually were agreeing with each other the entire time.
Two poets agreeing Ali and Where The Day Takes You were good, and Smith was good in them.
Three attempts to kick Smarty awake failed.
Two attempts successful.
One earnest proclamation of intent to quit drinking.
One snigger.

Forty dollars lent from one poet to another.
Six CDs sold.
Four continental breakfasts consumed.
Two trays of sushi overpriced yet purchased, and consumed, anyway.
Nine far-too-pale looking cups of coffee that still taste shit no matter how much sugar you put in them consumed.
Nine affirmations on Melbourne's superiority coincided with.

One extended session of making fun of Scientology outside their Adelaide headquarters completed.
One car borrowed.
Three confused attempts at engaging pertrol pumps in Goolwa abandoned.

One romantic misadventure attempted.
Zero romantic misadventures successful.
Six and half re-tellings of above misadventure completed.
Four friends successfully entertained with re-telling.

Several hours of lambasting and critiquing of female species subsequently undertaken.
Five hundred and eighteen photos taken.
Ninety four comfortable silences.
Eighteen awkward silences.

One excellent film seen, namely "Exit Through The Gift Shop"

One completed recording of poetry gig,
Two performers in agreement that they will release...
One new album to document tour with.
One suggestion so far for title being "Fucking and Punching ain't Shit"

Zero incidents of above suggested fucking-or-punching yet executed.

Two poets unimpressed with Port Elliot, South Australia.
One case of mistaken ogling transpired when subjects (silhouetted by sunset on the top of a hill), turned into teenage boys, not girls, on closer inspection.
Several comments on hypothetical nefarious intentions towards said silhouettes retracted when observers realised they were boys.
One follow-on suggestion made, advocating said boys be followed to see if subjects may have sisters nearby, maybe.

Nine magazines articles read on toilet.

Several hundred thousands beautiful points of light seen in night sky above Mt Compass,
On one cold, quiet clear night.

Eleven points missed.
Four hundred and twelves smiles.

Two good friends.

Six days down.
Fourteen days remaining.

One friends borrowed Macbook, seriously low on battery power.
Zero -other noteworthy incidents to report.

Transmission ends.




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