Sunday, January 31, 2010

Player Hater -01/02/2010


I'm so angry at you
for not being attracted to me.

It's not fair,
there was body language
there was eye contact
there was intelligent conversation
I listened to your half of it.
I showed some genuine interest,
in you.

And I bought drinks too.

Had just the right balance,
acting like I was myself
but not too much myself,
my fashion sense was sensitive enough,
I was projecting laid back
without looking disinterested,
wasn't too talkative
or too quiet,
didn't say anything stupid
was careful not to sound too intellectual either,
wasn't too showy
without being boring,
too keen
not too nice
too polite
too opinionated
too familiar
too rude
too girly
too gruff
too reserved
too needy
too weird
too normal
too tall
too short
too white
too loud
too quiet
I wasn't too geeky
or too cool
reckon I was a little bit geeky in that cool kinda way,
wasn't sleazy
short of sounding like a prude,
I was completely casual
I was totally natural
and that was...

really hard to do.

Do you know how much I agonized
over that text I sent you?
To achieve
just the right mix of wit with pathos
I was tasteful in the use of emoticons
I was clear without being too suggestive
I was eager not to sound too eager
I was waiting all day,
and trying not to expect anything.

...I was expecting one date, at least.

I didn't invent this game,
just doing my best to stay in it,
I did everything I was supposed to,
so why don't you like me?
What did I do wrong?
What is wrong with me?
And why won't you tell me?

I can be sleazy
I can be cocky
I can NOT offer to buy a drink
I can sound smarter
I can act dumber
I can be melancholy
I can be depressing
I can be lively
I can be with it
I can be in control
I can be laid back
I can be serious
I can be funny.

really fucking funny.

I can be
you know
more confident.
If you like.
If you're okay with that.
If that's what you're after.

If that's what you want me to be.




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