.
This is where I was that last morning.
I awoke from dreams of someone else’ Karma-yoga,
Where I had dreamed wave length measurable-times,
In a loving world populated full of fears,
Mostly my own.
Staring up at that same ceiling,
Seen too many times,
But that time now,
Not seeming long enough.
This is where I was,
The community of conscientious objections,
To the objective bounds,
Of my world-view,
Now, it’s a scene of creaking ladders,
Now it’s a row of empty beds,
Now it’s nets and rope-holds.
It’s a stray end,
Poking out of a thatched leaf roof,
Now it feels like a school at sunset,
You’re only here if you’re trespassing or in trouble,
It’s bathing in glows of days gone-bye,
It’s a big fucking space,
Conspicuously full of emptiness,
Now.
This is where I was,
Back at our celebration,
That last day I whistled Palchabels Kanon,
Some irony of mine,
That I’l never let you let go of,
A private joke amongst my publicity,
Because privacy,
Became for us the new currency here,
Expensive,
It was traded, and I got my certificate,
I got my friends,
I had my doubts,
I made my mistakes.
And that cake,
Has been had and all been eaten now.
You know dem… down by the campfire,
A Portuguese beaconing Bob Marley over a beat,
Out into nights out in the forest.
That would transition into too-early mornings,
Where we dug, planted, watered,
Bunded, mulched,
Then breaked.
This is where I got pine-apple for breakfast,
On the even-numbered mornings,
Where,
I got Senegal fast food,
Stuck in my head.
This is where I heard him say,
You fucked it up!
Playing the Dude to my Walter,
I tell him, no problem,
And I can get him a toe by 4 o’clock if he wants,
With or without nail polish.
He walked around in his underwear,
Un-hippy,
Frowning at tomato plants from beneath that wooly beard,
While plotting his Zionist conspiracies,
No doubt.
This is where I took the classes,
That I tried not to sleep through,
Each one,
In the heat of a tropical afternoon,
Biological resources talking edges,
…y’all.
This is where there was a mud hole,
From which I crawled,
Playing crocodile for a while,
When I forgot anyone else was around.
Now that pool of water is all but gone,
Dried up in waiting,
For a rain months away.
From now.
This is where I pulled faces by the dozen,
Dragged them up onto an open-staged-space.
This is where,
I had read, that God, God help you, is dead.
This is where I defended and upheld,
Appalled and let go,
A battlefield tested opinion,
Watertight seaworthy, but sinking,
When my teeth sank into it.
Sharp, but somehow blunt,
Big, but always diminishing with the proof offered.
And that,
Is where I was when I got caught,
Got depressed and regressed,
Got detached, got rejected, dejected,
Where I deflected,
A tangible death,
For at least one more day, yet.
Where my bruises healed real-slow,
Where the infections spread,
Limping their way across the compound,
From one person to another.
This is where I was,
When we fell off and kept riding.
And here,
This is where I was,
Where I was when I told,
How not to miss,
The absolute perfection,
Of each moment,
In time.
Where I was,
When I finally came to see it,
And to believe in it,
Too.
This,
Is where I said so many farewells,
Too many, really,
For my words.
Sinatra sung, as I leave you there,
They call those songs,
Standards.
Beg me, or you, to stay,
One more day, one more hour.
…and I forget, the rest of his words.
You became another face, for me to face,
It got a little harder,
Each time,
The heart grew fuller,
As this place grew emptier,
Each time.
So this last morning awake,
This is the last time I will find-myself,
Standing here ...without looking over my shoulders,
Wondering what they can-and-cannot carry.
More than others,
But less than most,
As I tried to co-operate,
Not compete.
This is where I was.
This is what I’m leaving.
A forest to grow people, as they say.
Sadhana Forest,
Where I found a passion for this world, again,
This is where I was.
Where I helped it out just a little,
And this act helped me out,
A lot.
_____________________________________
-Peace
.
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