The Universal Constant - 4/05/2014

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governments change
leaders and regimes are toppled
laws are passed and overturned
artistic praise is fleeting
audiences swell, wax and wane
with tides of fashion
lovers come and go
daylight burns out
as the stars above shift
and the mountains themselves
move over the eons
but amongst all that
unchanging,
and always...

the waitress will come
top up your water
right after

you just farted

always.
.

______________

-Peace

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Taking Sides - 3/06/2015

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my feminine side
is an internalised misogynist
with a great sense of humour
passively aggressively
not talking to me
every time I try getting in touch
with it

...but it gives good head

my masculine side
hates the actual word 'masculine'
thinks it sounds prissy
or some shit

every time I try getting in touch
with it
I end up in a head-lock
as it calls me a poof
then asks me quietly,
if I still do poetry
before crying on my shoulder
sobbing uncontrollably

leading me to the sore-neck
conclusion
I don't like taking sides

my inner child
a little shit who nicked
my fucking wallet
shoplifts
and gives aspirin
to seagulls
when no one's looking

my inner demons
don't mix well with my mates
never pay their way
and drunk the last of the goon
when I was out

while the better angels
of my nature
all took flight
leaving for higher wages
paid leave
and more flexible hours

well who needs you anyway

wankers

.

______________
.

-Peace

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Shemotional - 31/05/2014

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my boss asked me if men cry
thought about it for a second
said yes

she asked what makes us
said I don't know, really
probably different stuff than women
and the same stuff as women
and I agreed we should do it more

then I volunteered this-
the last time I cried
was about a month ago
was hungover from my birthday
my girlfriend looking after me
and I started crying because...
I don't know really
I felt bad
like I didn't really deserve
this nice treatment
scared of being a jerk
and maybe she didn't love me
and I felt better afterwards
and as I tell her this
I see my boss smirk
oh just a little bit she did
thinking it silly

started me off thinking back
'bout a high-profile poet
jacked up on some numbered wave
of feminism who called me
'shemotional'
for sending out thank yous
after one of my first gigs

little smiling assassin
she made smirks like that too
clench my jaw
(well what the fuck you ask me for then woman)
written all over my shrug
never mind, I say

guess it was silly
and it didn't count
'cause of a hangover
and men don't cry
not really
don't be silly
I'm just overly-sensitive for a ma-
...for a Thursday

we
we were having a hard day, that day
at work

.

____________________

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-Peace.

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On Her Side - 29/05/2014

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she shot a look at me
through the security glass
that hit like a Tool song
...say both parts of 10,000 days
right in the gut

tell a single young homeless
and pregnant woman
that you have
no housing for her
and your day is suddenly
a lot heavier to hold
on the far side
just wanna go home now

guess she did too

.
____________
.
.
-Peace.

.
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No Rematch With Creed - 29/05/2014

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I am a loser
and lots of people out there
don't want me
to forget that

I remember
taking on a Nepalese sherpa
in a dal-bhat eating contest
high in Gokyo Ri
and losing
Three plates to his four

never really had a chance
most likely

so sure I'm a loser
probably always will be
I know it

but I will keep taking you on
make you eat your heart out
make yourself sick
trying to prove it
to everyone else

fucker

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Darth Vader Died, My Dad (live performance video from May 2013)

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Leading up to making/releasing the 'Product' album last year, I had a bunch of videos shot and professionally edited, a few of them made it onto YouTube, though after the launch itself I never quite got around to making the rest of them available online.

So here is my original/definitive poem about my Dad. Originally written close to 6 years ago, the landscape around us, both personal and political, has changed somewhat, as regular readers of this blog will know.   But underlying it all, I think this poem still has honesty and emotional value.

Additionally, I have of course distanced myself from the poetry community and slam poetry in particular. Nevertheless, almost a year ago today, I had a great time at this gig.  Enjoy


(if you are not seeing a playable video window click here)

DARTH VADER DIED, MY DAD

My Dad couldn’t tell a poem

from a recipe for lentil soup

he has exceedingly little use

for either

that’s just two of the differences between us

in fact for the longest time

all we had in common

was a fondness for Star Trek

and loathing for one another

back then we interacted

only when the school principal

contacted him

your son is in detention

your son is out of control

he’s about to get kicked out

of this school again

those phone calls were my biggest fear

he got mad at my behaviour

I compared him to Darth Vader

likening my Dad to that evil black monster

‘cause how could he be my father?

when I was sixteen

I scratched off his face

from my infant photograph with him

he had no right to hold

who that baby had became

doesn’t know who I am

spend time with me -doesn’t try

confiscated possessions in punishment
things missing from my room

and him already at work
not there so I could show him

how much I hate him

didn’t talk to him for days

for weeks that would have been for-ever

if I could help it

living under his roof

his rules, in his house his Television

his unreasoning bullshit

his face scratched out

I just wanted to punch it in

but couldn’t…

because he was much bigger than me

with the end of high school

our tension eased

without principals calling

we had a kind of agreement in principal

don’t bother me and I won’t be bothered by you

I began working up that HECS debt

we might sometimes sit together watching

some Star Trek

for years it was left at that

until I saw another photograph

with the same face that had I scratched

away from me as a baby

my father’s face in a photograph of me

different hair colour

smaller stature sure

but there his features were

written all over my face

as I left for overseas

I heard him call me his Frankenstein’s monster

let loose in the world

recognising now that I’m assembled

from different components of him

more than facial features

I have found his strengths

and frailties similar to mine

at family gatherings delving into every topic

polite company prefers not to discuss

my poor sisters and mother duck for cover

they will never understand

these globally-warmed heated discussions,

pleading with us for no more

of the exchanges we fire like proxies

for Andrew Bolt and Michael Moore

failing to see the animation twinned in our faces

we both –know- an opinion isn’t worth itself

unless y’can beat someone else

over the head with it

it’s not live at let live

live to not suffer fools,

who are foolish in their foolishness

we’re both convinced we have the monopoly of truth,

then call a truce, agreeing to disagree

having duelled a worthy adversary

we’ve found our unique way to communicate

in years between scratching out his face

and finding it the same one

atop my own head

I re-watched Return of the Jedi

with more analytical eyes

where Darth Vader the begotten dark father dies

unmasked, and redeemed

reborn in the arms of his son

I understand now those vast spaces

between our words

those years lost opposing worlds

generation gaps between cats in cradles

and discs in the DVD player

watching Star Trek together

I know now why I like a good argument

or even a bad one

my father laughs like me, from the belly

he laughs at what I laugh at

in a world that all too often needs laughing at

he enjoys his books and his bikes

a quiet drink and time alone to think

what makes my dad, my Dad makes me, Me.

an apple, not falling far from his tree

his Frankenstein is my Darth Vader

I love him, simply stated

or better articulated

how David said it to Captain Kirk

at the end of Star Trek 2

today Dad the time has come

to say,

“I’m proud… very proud, to be your son.”

_______________________________________

-Peace

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Very Sexy Sex - (revised 21/ 06/ 2014)

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was late to work today
because I kept masturbating
after the alarm went off
figured if I was cursed
with waking up early
I should at least
get an orgasm out of it

at thirty four years old
by now can give myself
some amazing orgasms

to the point it can often sour
if not ruin
my sexual relationships
with others

one of my last partners said porn
and over-developed forearm muscles
ruined me, for her

in her efforts to get me off
she would make these awful faces
intense with concentration
ironically
that was very off putting
I didn't have the heart to tell her
besides she had huge breasts

thing is
I think about that sometimes
when I jerk off, now
even though at the time
probably I was thinking about something else
further back, when building up to cum
trying to concentrate on climaxing

that seems to be how it goes
despite my attentiveness
in pleasuring a given partner
learning to read new lovers’ breaths
feel and respond to stimulus
sometimes in the middle of sex
other things
get me excited

I remember
the jagged in-ear whisper
from this girl I slept with
declaring how great my cock is
I’d never heard anything like that
before

I came instantly

I remember
first time I played rough
holding a woman’s wrists behind her back
against some dirty tin fence in Auckland
how her knees melted into me
then

I remember
looking out a tiny window in Kathmandu
a lover going down on me
thinking hey- here I am
looking out a tiny window in Kathmandu
while she’s going down on me... cool

then I lifted her up
bent her over that tiny room's bed
did her from behind
so she could see the view too

all these moments
themselves be-came memory
ejaculated deposits in the spank bank
saving of accounts
re-living touching myself

little things from years back
like that pair of gaudy ear rings
left behind where they’d been dropped
next to the ripped Ansell packet

a sharp gasp made
when I pressed a thumb
into hips while I was on top
while I was inside her

or fucking my first girlfriend
holding her head forward
to make her watch it
go up and down

this is where I've been
when I cum
all that sex
sexy fucking sex
stuck in my mind
elsewhere-

thing is
I don't think sex is sexy anymore
that window was sexy
Auckland was sexy...
(god can't believe I just said that)
times in your life are sexy
after the fact

whilst fixating on the how
and the why and the whom
you cum-with
or don't-with ...not sexy

I'm a voyeur of my own life
perving on my own past
my brain continues to operate
by projecting forward
or reflecting back
memorising what it will later consider a turn on

someone getting themselves off
isn't a typically romantic or beautiful image
but the idea, I think
is sexy
whatever that means

late for work is sexy
the fact that you can make yourself
feel good, by yourself is good
it is worth running late for

almost told my boss that
as an excuse
who knows
she might have got off herself
on picturing me frantically
fighting those five minute snatches
between the snooze button
fucking myself
from memory

masturbation often seen
as a poor substitute for a partner
is actually more important
it all happens inside
time spent penetrating your own mind
your memories, thoughts
of all things yours, is sexy

all there in your head
sexy as you can make it
and you can make it
if you just remember that
you will


enjoy... yourself








___________________________

-Peace.

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How are you today? - 16/05/2014

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there are two types of people in this world

ones who think

to put down those divider bar-things

for you
when you're behind them

in the checkout queue

and cunts.

___________

-Peace

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My Problems - 14/05/2014

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my mum misses her mum

on Mothers' day

gave her a book with me naked on the cover

and another one I haven't read

she paid for lunch though

-

my girlfriend doesn't have enough money

to stop her mouth from hurting.

I have lots of money but am not giving her any

because I don't think

healthy relationships work that way

I'm an expert

explain my theories over the phone to her

she had trouble talking because of her jaw

-

two occasions where ambulances came to my work yesterday

plus someone had a breakdown in the lobby

you could hear it from the back office

I watched it lo-res on the split screen monitor

mounted up in the corner

above the spare desk

it was my first day

they assured me it's not always like this

know they were lying

and I said so right back

-

today at the World Hemophilia Congress

went to talks on women's sexuality

and then caregivers of children

with bleeding disorders

just curious really

love hearing about the problems of people

that I don't share

-

feel a little gross now

admitting all this

numb and disconnected

from the confession

can't talk

fuzzy and not good with guilt but-

-actually I don't know how to end that sentence

pretend we found a point

there

then stopped

-

_______________

-Peace.

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A picture of Tony Abbott being punched in the face - 14/05/2014

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You've probably already seen this somewhere online before, but here is a picture of Tony Abbott being punched in the head.

Enjoy.

(click to enlarge)














_________________________










-Peace.




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WFH 2014 World Congress - 13/05/2014

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"We are sorry, but the lifestyle you are after is currently unavailable".

There are people from over 120 countries at this World Congress for Haemophilia, in Melbourne.

today I walked through the expo centre looking at all the multinational pharmaceutical companies displays, all the men in suits, all the medical professionals here who want... something.

I used to work as a labourer here at the MCEC sometimes, setting up and breaking down exhibitions just like this one.

A lot of the display banners talk about achieving normal lifestyles. I got paid twenty two dollars an hour through the night for reccie work.

I wonder how much those Pfizer guys are pulling for this.

In the opening speeches at the Opening ceremony, some assistant health minister called the global HIV/HepC epidemic in the 80s and 90s a "challenge the bleeding disorders community had faced."

I held my applause.

I've decided to use my cross-continental bike ride/poetry tour as a fundraiser to hopefully raise awareness and more importantly money for Haemophiliacs in developing countries, known as the 'close the gap' campaign.

Call me a bleeding heart.

________________

#WFH2014 #haemophilia #UnsettledinAustralia

-Peace.

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Seeing Things - 11/05/2014

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I've seen things in.Melbourne
you people wouldn't believe

urban explorers attacking rooftops
overlooking night time canyons on fire
streetlight scraping out darkness
off the shoulder
of the botanical gardens

cranes-beams over gates
up one hundred or more metres
in the air
looking out at glittering horizons

all these moments
will be lost, in time
like tears in the rain
when we're gone
time to urbex


time too high

(click to enlarge)











_______________________________





With apologies to Blade Runner:


(if you are not seeing a palayable video window click here)






-Peace.

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Happy Mothers' Day, to me - 11/05/2014

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My first career-job was in the child protection system, at the age of 26. I had no idea/conception of the awful things some mothers are capable of doing to their offspring, and these are insights I cannot really ever share (either on broadcast here, or even privately among those who know me).

I've seen the biology just gone so broken that I can never quite honestly join in, in raising a toast to motherhood as a broad thing. From some walks of life you just don't get to go home again. Believe me when I say, that I am sorry to say so.

Today, I see virtually everyone on my news feed expressing love for their mother, and fuck-me-dead, I don't want to be all captain bring down about something as ...good as that.

But (oh y'knew a but was coming folks) for myself I just can't make myself join the party. My love for my mother feels like too much of a private thing for me to pervade publicly. It's full of superlatives like "most dearest" and "best, kindest". Etcetera. Superlatives, to me, occupy the same brain-space that expletive language seems to hold for other more prudish people. Something vulgar and offensively un-expressive. So, because of my own hang ups, I just can't take you there with my mother and I.
All that matters is that I let her know how much I care. When I see her, I will try.

I spent this morning with the woman I love, her relationship with her mother exists at the other end of the spectrum to mine. I needed to remind her how special she is, days like today make people in her position feel... bad.

I can't fix those kids I worked with. I can't make myself talk about my mum with mediums I don't trust, and I can't undo what was done to my girlfriend. All I can do is dwell upon these things, float words, chew fat, see what sticks to the wall. It will help me be better towards the people I care about.

I believe they deserve it. I believe caring about others is ultimately how a human looks after itself. Motherhood functions with that, when it functions.

Today, I am trying to be functional too. My best wishes to us all.

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____________________

-Peace

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If These Walls Could Talk I'd Paint Over Them - 8/05/2014

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trust you
as far as I can throw
my voice
real heavy
in a doppler shift
that you will hear
a few seconds

later

______________

-Peace.

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A Self Reference - 8/05/2014

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but when I do look up

from my phone
I don't know 

what I'm supposed to see

when I stop being bad poetry
surface from screens
or other writer's pages
clock off from welfare work
aren't distracted
by being a haemophiliac

when I do get time to myself
without her
I feel only the subtractions-
I rush to holes
in my life
I don't know how to fill

who else should I call
what to do with my hands
how do see something
without putting a camera
in between it and you

want to not want anything
and don't get it
there's a cold out here
that ain't concrete
or warm coats

this isn't the first time
I swam out this far
I remember

"if you are going to be lonely
find the biggest sky you can
as far from home as possible
to do it under"

when I look up from my phone
again, I will look
stars

in the eye.

_________________

As for the self reference:

-Peace.

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