Thursday, August 28, 2014

My first word was 'Car'. Scrotum - 7/09/2014


I rode up a lot of hills today
on my bicycle
glaring sun and heavy bags
whilst doing thus I decided something

my auto biography,
posthumous published
will be called-

y'know what... fuckit, it would take too long to explain

and will be just a picture of some guy trying to bite off his own ear

I am going to go have a shower now
then die in my tent now

you're welcome.




Performing with Buddy Wakefield in Sydney, next Tuesday (September 2nd 2014)


So I'm heading off for Sydney today to commence touring the new book around the country, and do a wee-bit of cycling to.

First gig is next week, and I'm just a tad excited to be performing with one of my idols, and an international, individual slam champion of the universe, Buddy Wakefield.  The lineup is Buddy and myself as features, with an open mike and slam section bracketing us. 

(Facebook event page HERE)

This is a dream come true for me and I can't think of a better place of it to happen than Sydney. If you're in town, come down to: Friend in Hand Hotel, 58 Cowper Street, Glebe. You won't be disappointed. Probably.

I'll also be back and forth between Sunshine Coast, Brisbane, Newcastle and Wollongong throughout September October doing stuff before heading over to Adelaide, Perth and Fremantle in October. Keep your eyes on my Facebook page, or the Twitter feed on the right hand side of this blog ->>





Monday, August 25, 2014

Inhibition - 25/08/2014


had a little blood in my urine

then a lot of headaches in my paperwork
woke up sweating out of my painted-in corner
some semen seeping into the wet ways I speak
some shit eating into my grin
deep cuts fresh in my diet
plus hairline fractures in my plans
then infections in my appetite
and they found these whopping bruises
coming up all over my ego

as it is, today
the doctors in the Haemotology department
tell me that, luckily
I haven't developed any inhibitors in my blood
since that operation





Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Good guys and bad guys - 13/08/2014


I would have much rather been remembered not as the difficult genius but as a good guy."

I was haunted by Orson Welles' last interview for a long time. When I was in hospital overnight in 2012, I had no visitors and few well wishers. I made it like that. It didn't feel good.

I remember thinking about Orson Welles, while lying there alone. I was a lot more isolated from family and friends and people back then.

Now I want to say thanks to everyone. Those who called, those who came to visit, and still those who gave me the space I asked for, because yeah there's only so much interaction I can handle.
I think if I died today, now, I would be remembered as a good guy. One of the good guys. That's important to me.

Of course, it would be nice to have the greatest film ever made under my belt as well, but instead I have "Breasts!"... I can live with that.

I mean die with it, whatever.

Yeah, I feel like whatever stubbornly mercurial artistically-justified self-consciously angry path I was on a few years ago, has been altered. I'm not the idiot things I write. Hell, even they aren't the idiotic things they write (themselves) anymore.

I don't need to be remembered, there is no legacy here. For now, I am a good guy, and I am very much alive.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Growth Pattern - 12/08/2014


a hammer
looking for something to nail
didn't know what to do
what to say to you

it took me a long time
to grow into my own mouth
to open up this chest
to fill my shoes

empty when I first found them
skin so thin it couldn't conceal
the heart on my sleeve
chip on my shoulder
the bruises all over my ego

took years of aching knees
and awkward exchanges
to figure out where I stood
waiting for a place in this world
to find me

saw red
while watching this space
burnt bridges
just to keep this spot warm

when I grew up
I wanted to be
the best thing
that ever happened to you

      and then that never happened
              ...and the story gets confused
                      ‘round the time they told me
                                     I couldn’t ever touch you

transfused blood virus
before we’d ever figured out
what exactly touch was for

life on hold
a hammer
looking for something to nail
missing the mark
missing the right questions to ask
there was a hole to fill in my mouth
and I couldn’t grow up fast enough
to catch it

I caught Hepatitis C

had it by the tail
-end of my fourteenth year
had it so couldn’t get sex
had it and you became
what I couldn’t get
you became only
what I could get mad at

couldn’t reach out to you
you couldn’t touch this
infectious adolescence
I hated you for that

and I threw out so much
over-muscled rage trying to shake
it was raw
it was big and loud
hard down there
it had no handles
no sides to hold on to
to get over

said fuck the world
really just wanted
to make out with it

indulged my anger
when I couldn't
satisfy my love
until one day
a cure came for me

that was nine years ago
it worked the poison out my blood
and I have been negative ever since to speak

I grew into touch
learned how to feel it
how to say it
to express it

still prick my tongue sometimes
but it’s different
know my name now
know who I am
know it took me
a long time in the getting

an awful-long time
to grow into my own mouth
to open up this chest
to fill my shoes

think I got older
faster than I should...
there are still days
I’m just a hammer
looking for another nail
but it’s not a hang up

not out of anger
not out of bounds
I’m just a tool sometimes
one that doesn’t need fixing

I am one
that can fix things


Wrote this is a few weeks back and planning to premiere it at a gig this weekend past. Which I didn't end up doing.  Have spent the last week in hospital instead. No I haven't been writing about that.

I was originally going to be leaving on my cycling trip today. That's not happening now. The trip will still happen though. Stay tuned.